I am the strong one that everyone sees when they look at me. I am the one that usually offers advice, resources, and jump into action when everyone is need, so no one usually expects anything less from me. I usually do not bother others with my problems and always appear that I have every part of my life altogether. I am so very good at appearing that all is okay.. well, because I am the strong one.

What I don’t let people see is that I am hardly holding life together behind that self-made image of being so very strong, especially these days. There are many times when I am alone, that I break down and cry or have a hard time facing the day. Most days, I feel like a complete failure where I just keep letting people down. The deeper I fall, the worse I feel like a failure. It may stem from my childhood where I was told I would amount to nothing, but no matter where that feeling comes from, there are a lot of days now where that is all I feel.

But… I am the strong one, so there is no other way to be. Because of this, I’ve grown more and more silent the past couple years. I don’t reach out to others, not because I don’t care, but because every ounce of me is needed for me – to keep me from completely falling apart and not being able to bring myself back. What they see, is that I am a friend who was always there ready to help, just disappear. Because I am so good at appearing strong, everyone thinks that I am okay. I am so very good at appearing strong, they don’t pick up on that when this strong one says that something is wrong, that she means it. They don’t seem to realize that I am the one who needs the help this time. The more I crash, the more I just fall into the background. Sure, I may poke my head out a few times to say hi, but deep down, I don’t even know what to say anymore, so I am very limited in my replies. I have seen less than a handful of friends this past couple years, as small talk is hard for me. I’ve gotten that good at hiding what is going on inside. Why one might ask. It’s because I’m the strong one. If I lose that part of me or truly let everyone know, that last part of me may come crumbling to the ground. That strong part of me, is the only thing left that I am able to hold onto. Why.. because I am the strong one and that is how it has to be.

But… because I “AM” the “STRONG ONE”…. all will be okay and so will you, if you are feeling this way. Just stay strong and believe in tomorrow. Tomorrow will be that brighter day. <3